If you couldn't tell from my OG blog post, I am ever-so-slightly obsessed with the hopeless romantic, fashion trailblazer, female icon of the 90s: Carrie Bradshaw. I assume I share this commonality with almost anyone who has devoted 2,820 minutes to the six-season dramatic sitcom, as she is continuously recognized as one of the most personable characters in television history.
Although the show is full of comedic tidbits, extravagant events, and some possibly unrealistic plotlines, the phenomenon that Sex and the City came to be offers a great deal of valuable insights that everyone should consider in their own lives. Aside from some major stylistic dos and don'ts and advice on how to survive while living a *glamorous* New York lifestyle, Carrie's column writing has a lot to offer to her loyal fans. Her vulnerability, expressive passion, and prioritization of relationships that truly matter are undeniably consistent themes found throughout her work.
So, after finally finishing the show and becoming so absolutely in love that my new phone screen background is "I couldn't help but wonder" in a fancy lil font, I figured it was time to share my top 10 Carrie quotes. Although there are many far more witty column quotes that offer tangible advice regarding, well, sex and the city, these 10 had a way of gripping my attention and holding onto it for far longer than the episode ran.
Because those are the moments that really change the way you live your life. Yes, of course, there is a time and a place to binge-watch a meaningless comedy, an action-packed Marvel film, or a painfully cheesy Nicolas Sparks production. But, everyone knows, whether they admit to it or not, that their cherished memories of the TV show they would kill to have been a part of are the meaningful moments. You danced along at Jim and Pam's wedding, and you cried when Rachel got off the plane. It's those relational moments that lure you in; the cast no longer feels like a group of actors with their dinner waiting at home after long shooting days; they are instead your friends.
We watch TV shows in layers: first is for entertainment, next is for a dramatic escape from our own dull lives, and last is to feel. Most people don't even realize they want this flood of feelings to wash over them like an east coast storm, but it's often when you need it most. The right production with the right genius writers can build up new expectations for yourself, new dreams for what you want to accomplish, and a new appreciation for your life. No matter how unrealistic a show may seem, or how far off it is from your reality, I believe a subconscious part of all of us is always taking notes.
Hence, in classic Caroline fashion, prepare yourself for these quotes to be more about finding yourself than finding those can't-live-without Manolo Blahniks pumps. Because in reality, that's why we're all here.
10. "Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.”
Carrie repeatedly addresses the idea of change throughout the series, ranging from changing your expectations of reality, changing others in a relationship, and changing yourself for someone else. However, what makes this particular notion stand out amongst the others is that it addresses changing yourself for yourself. All our lives, we are arguably given one piece of advice that is the creme de le creme of all: be yourself. But what happens when you don’t like who you are, when who you are doesn’t align with your goals, and when you genuinely can’t say you are proud while looking in the mirror?
We’ve always been told not to change for anyone, but if the ultimate indicator of happiness is a high self-efficacy, rightfully so, then the effort to change is beyond worth it. Carrie perfectly sums that up in the season five episode centering on the sailors’ visit to New York [therefore this week’s column was not ill-equipped in the puns department]. Whether your current past regret takes the shape of an out-of-style slip dress or a core value you once emulated, intentionally letting go of your past may be the only way to run free.
9.“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”
In the same thread of what I said above, holding on to the “what could have been”s only creates a stronger blockade on our trek for fulfillment. Our past can take two forms: what I did, and what I should have done. Although I generally strive to live by the mantra that I’d rather regret what I did than what I didn’t do, it’s essentially impossible to not have missed opportunities. Sometimes, we don’t see how badly, how consumingly madly, we needed something until the moment has slipped out of our fingers.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: life’s timing has a way of really screwing up our plans. Carrie dictates all of that into one simple metaphor of being just a little lost on the road of life. Instead of fixating over our rights and wrongs and dos and don’ts, we have to buckle up and watch the sunset before it fades to black.
8. “When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”
I love this one. It perfectly sums up all of the complexities of fear and delivers them in a digestible message so applicable all of life’s transitions. As children, our bones are literally prone to healing faster. Even getting physically hurt has less gloom around it, as you get the benefit of going to school the next day with a big blue cast and a Sharpie for signing in hand. You get the autographs of all the coolest kids in school, and the pain of falling off the swingset has already dissipated.
But as we continue to grow, our bones get weaker and our hearts get softer. Breaking your arm can turn into a frightening health crisis and falling off the swing that was your two-year-long relationship fosters a type of pain you don’t think will leave even as you attempt to throw it off your chest. Just like you may have been afraid to get on a swing again, you’re afraid to get heartbroken again, so you push and push away until you’ve forgotten what love is supposed to feel like. To expand on Carrie’s question, when did it stop being second nature to remove yourself from past injuries that you know did you no good and start being an instinct to trust our past pain instead of trusting those in our present?
7. "Some love stories aren't epic novels- Some are short stories, but that doesn't make them any less filled with love.”
Although this particular quote may have been directly related to a romantic relationship, we all know it applies to so much more. A little on the lighter side, this insight reflects upon how no previous relationship is ever a waste of time. As the corny saying goes, each person you encounter is either a lesson or a blessing, and both help shape who you are. Carrie’s lesson reminds us to not devalue a friendship that only lasted for one semester of college or one summer on a beach; that relationship will forever hold a spot in your heart if it meant enough to you. Three-minute-long songs can evoke extreme emotions while three-hour movies can cause none. In terms of relationships, the idea of quality over quantity could not be more appropriate.
6. ‘After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.
Carrie’s insight in this column closely relates to that of the above. It again deals with questioning if a short-term relationship really impacts your life, or if the only ones who matter are the ones who stick around. Clearly, the former is the answer, as true fans recall even the smallest characters on the show to be essential in the character development of the leads.
Looking into your own life from the perspective of a screenwriter is a fun way to analyze this one. If Carrie needed to date Berger for half a season to realize she needs more than a post-it-note breakup, then we can all acknowledge his role is critical to the development of the one and only. If you can say that a person in your past life has changed the way you watch the sunset, changed the playlist you listen to on your way to work, or even changed what you order on your sandwich, then yes, they mattered. And even if you rarely see them, and are not even quite sure where they currently live, they always have a home in your heart.
5. ‘I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.’
Clearly, this quote is far more casual than some of my other picks, but it will always be near and dear to my heart. This quote epitomizes why we all love our protagonist so much; she is just like you and me and Jenny from the block. She makes mistakes but she loves who she is becoming; she takes pride in her progress, even if it just means getting her pastel dress covered in coffee stains drycleaned. Plus, as a naturally-curly haired girl myself, I can’t help but be appreciative of her embrace of the au-naturel.
4. “Maybe mistakes are what make our fate… without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn’t fall in love, have babies, or be who we are.”
The idea of imperfection is not far and few between throughout this series, and again, that’s why we all are so captivated by these four women’s trials and triumphs. Carrie questioning the importance of mistakes in the formulation of our lives is something we all need to consider. In my mind, this insight is the less-idealistic way to explain how everything happens for a reason. We will never all agree on that, but we should all be able to reach a consensus on the idea of connections. As the laws of physics state, every cause must have an effect, and every effect simply must have a cause. Without our screw-ups, our shameful downward glances, our nervous toe-tapping while facing confrontation, it’s not likely we’d be who we are today. Everyone views fate as some starry-eyed cupid planning out a beautiful life for those who believe. But maybe fate isn’t quite who we think she is, maybe fate is the devil showing us what we don’t want through our mistakes so that we can actually make room for the good stuff to enter in.
It’s only fitting that the final three quotes in my Carrie Bradshaw hall of fame specifically deal with the three essential forms of love: friendly, romantic, and self. Without further ado. . .
3. “It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what. I was lucky enough to find three of them.”
Watching the friendships of the four women shift, grow, and strengthen throughout the six seasons is undoubtedly the best part of the viewing experience. This quote is too endearing to ignore; Carrie addresses that no matter how many breakups she faces and how much she doubts a forever type of romantic love, she knows that the love she has for her girls has the ability to trump all of the chaos. It makes us all take a step back, realizing we need to be a little more appreciative of our friends. Not just on birthdays, not just on Saturday nights, not just during goodbyes, but every single day. If you haven’t told someone you love them yet today, call them, leave them a voicemail, secure once again that the love you two share is forever. Tell them about a song that made you think of them, or a memory that surfaced as you passed that taco shack. Everyone, and I mean everyone, appreciates a moment of appreciation.
2. “I’m someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”
Goosebumps. Every single time. Now, this may be the most hopeless-romantic-obsessive-all-sorts-of-wonderful sort of quote, but that’s just what this show brings out in me, so I’d be lying to you all if I didn’t include it. To be clear, I'm far too young and inexperienced to empathize with this one, but it serves as a benchmark of where I want to be in future years.
I’m assuming if you’ve gotten this far you’ve seen the show in full, but if not, I’ll spare you the details of this finale scene so you can enjoy it spoiler-free. To describe this moment vaguely: Carrie experiences a massive change followed by a massive struggle followed by an even more massive realization. And at this moment exactly, she is no longer lying to herself, believing that settling for a checks-all-the-boxes sort of love is enough for her. Carrie’s raw emotions bleeding out of her without inhibitions is the Hollywood moment every girl strives to encounter at least once in her life. This is when we finally learn what distinguishes Carrie’s character, as she encourages us all to never settle. Yes, this applies to love, but perhaps even more importantly, it applied to life in general.
My personal definition of inconvenience was altered after watching this episode, as it is no longer only a bad thing. Inconvenient and unworthy, sure, not so great. But when it is inconvenient, but you still can’t get it enough, now that is an indicator of something worth keeping.
Love, and other worthy things, work against convenience, not because of it.
1. "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And, if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
And, finally, the scene of self-love that we didn’t know we wanted but all needed. The best decision the [extremely talented] screenwriters of Sex and the City made was ending the show with this lesson. Not only is it timeless, but it can be accepted by all. It first prioritizes prioritizing a love for yourself. Throughout the show, we’ve discussed changing ourselves, changing our careers, and changing where we live. However, amidst all this much-needed change, we’ve seen how Carrie learned to develop into a confident, independent, one-of-a-kind human being. Only then was she finally able to love someone in that inconvenient way.
That brings me to my second reason why this was the best possible quote to end the show with: it does still pay tribute to its goal. The production was always centered around the rollercoasters of relationships, so it would be missing the mark to not include loving another in its final gift to the audience.
And lastly, the reason this quote simply has to take the gold medal on my list is its words. Although the words “absolutely, Chanel, and fabulous” may not match the detailed vocabulary of a show like Grey’s Anatomy, Sex and the City champions its own type of jargon.
Even the way the four leads conversed with one another normalized fantasizing an over-the-top lifestyle amid the storms life puts us through. In my mind, nothing is wrong with wanting the best for yourself and those you love. Because that, my friend, is absolutely fabulous.
from your never-settling (& okay with it) friend,
caroline hughes